i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
