I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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