everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I forget how to act sober
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
