fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
