he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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