Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you

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(309): View more from Illinois

is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.

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(614): View more from Ohio

trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me

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(302): View more from Delaware

I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car

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(925): View more from California

its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.

(775): View more from Nevada

want fries with that?

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