Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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