I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
