Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
