Redeem this text for a blowjob
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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