she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
