i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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