I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
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