O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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