take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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