Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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