I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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