Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
