I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
