Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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