Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
