When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
