ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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