It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
