Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
