Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Ambien. No doubt about it.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
