didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
