i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
