Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
dude. I can hear the air.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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