I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
