i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize