i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
