He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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