he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
