Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
