I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
