I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
