Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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