K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
