You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
