So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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