You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Randomize
