Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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