Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize