do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
where does the pee come out of this thing
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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