dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I love you.
Bad choice
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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