Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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