You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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