Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
wakey wakey hands off snakey
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
