Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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