what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
