she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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