Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
