The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My vagina is officially offended.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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