nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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