hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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