yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
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