yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
