In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
