i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
