We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Someone came in the potted fern
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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