Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
