so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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