Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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